Just like there are always 2 sides to each story (the good and the bad), we can tackle issues in 2 ways - either head on or perhaps we can do something opposite altogether. The previous post is primarily concerned on how to overcome stress by reducing it. Another way is to focus on something totally unrelated to stress. So, rather than looking at fixing the bad, we focus on the good such that there is little room for the bad.
Let's work on this together...
Positive Thinking
What do you see if you turn on the news, or start looking at social media? More often than not, aside from the beautiful people and cute cats, the news is mostly gloom and doom. There are wars and rumors of wars, climate change due to global warming causing floods, and other disasters, earthquakes at various parts of the world. So, it's no uncommon for us to no longer see the world in rose-tinted glasses but glasses with murky lenses. And yet, to reduce stress, this is the one thing we must do - to think positive.
Positive thinking is not natural, especially if the most natural thing to do is to worry and complain about all things bad. We have to condition our mind to think and to see the good in every situation. We have to make it into a habit, with the goal of making us to be optimistic in our outlook in life. It's almost like impostor syndrome or we fake it until we make it. Yet, it works.
The problem: it is easier said than done to always looking at the bright side of life. But we need to do this to be happier. And when we are happier, the stress is reduced (yes), we improve our mental health which lead to stronger relationships and improved resilience in challenging situations.
To start: practice gratitude, i.e., give thanks in all circumstances - for the good, the bad and everything in between. If we pray to God for something, end the prayer by thanking God as though you have already received it. If someone demonstrated an act of kindness or helped you in any way, thank the person.
Next: in our setbacks, rather than complaining out of a negative circumstance (which never helps), ask the questions "What can I learn from this?" or "What is the opportunity to improve?"
Finally: we surround ourselves with positive people and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. For church-goers, the simplest way is to get involved in a cell group. We can sign up for group exercise (spin, yoga, Pilates, dance, martial arts (Kendo, Tae-kwon-do, jiu jitsu, karate), etc.) , or go join group activities such as choir (if you can sing well), group ukelele, hiking, scuba-diving, dragon-boating, etc..
Visualize Success
If you read self-help books, such as Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich", one common theme is that we have to first believe in the good things that will happen before it happens.
There is a story told of a golfer who was in prison. While in prison, he spent his time thinking of participating in golf tournaments and winning. He thought about how he practices his swing daily, how the ball flies through the air and how it landed on the 200-300 yards and then on the green, and how he made a short putt to land the ball into the hole. Some shots landed on the traps but he effortlessly gets them out and straight into the hole. Some shots will hit a tree and yet miraculously land on the green.
After he served his time, he took part in a tournament in the same course which he dreamt about and won. I asked a golfer friend of mine (with zero handicap and often takes part in tournaments) how real this story is. His answer: golfers at his level does not play the physical game - golf to him is all mental. Thus, if the golfer has conditioned his mind with the winning mentality, there is a good chance this is a true story.
The lesson here?
If we really want something to happen, we need to spend time thinking about what will happen. We visualize the various steps that we need to take over and over again of how we can make it happen successfully. To reduce stress, we visualize getting out of the murky situation, we think about clinching the deal, getting the negative test result for the screening, etc.
Practice Acts of Kindness
We have often heard that it is better to give than to receive, especially during Christmas. Ask anyone what they prefer and it is no surprise that no matter what age the receiver of the gift is, the best gift is the gift of time, of oneself...over other gifts. By giving of ourselves to the benefit of others, we in turn receive more - we reduce our stress, we improve our emotional well-being, we sleep better at night and possibly even get better in our physical health (depending on how strenuous the activity is).
Helping other lift our own moods - if we want others to be happy, we cannot help but be happy first. By helping the less fortunate, we come to realizers how much more fortunate we are, and how blessed our life really is.
Some good ways to practice acts of kindness:
- Help to do household chores without being asked (charity starts at home)
- Offer to water the neighbors' plants or to clean up their driveway
- Offer to cook for someone
- Host an informal get-together among neighbors, friend, classmates, etc.
- Send a motivational text to someone who seems to be struggling
- Sign up for volunteer work
- Participate in missions work (building schools, homes, etc.) in the region
- Donate to a charitable organization (make sure they are really in need)
- Give up a seat to a stranger on the bus/subway
- Help a mother push the stroller, the elderly with groceries, open the door for someone
- Allow a driver to cut into your lane, even if you have right of way
Go and looks for volunteer activities with the local community, the local church or temple. Another good website is Giving.SG for donation or volunteer.
Next: part 3